I've been thinking a lot about Grace and opportunity. Are they separate or one in the same? Do you live your life day in and day out waiting for them? Or do you actively pursue them? Does ignoring them make you wasteful?
I believe in giving what I want to get. Sometimes it's a beautiful thing and then there are the days it bites me in the ass. But still I go on, giving love, respect and kindness. Waiting for them to find me in return. Don't get me wrong, that's not the reason I do it, it's not the prize at the end of the race. No, for me it's a way to sleep at night. To be able to look in mirror and concede that I am responsible for the day's actions and that I will accept whatever they may bring.
It's not easy or fun most days being the bigger person or the softer voice, but I try. I try to think of all the times that I've been disregarded and dismissed. Life is not easy or fun. It's a series of tasks, some enjoyable others atrocious, but at the end of the day you've survived. Survival can be splendid, especially when it's filled with laughter of children, big warm embraces and your favorite dessert. I'm not a doom and gloom kind of gal, but I like to be honest. I've realized that if I'm not honest with myself I tend to let my imagination take flight and I read more into things than necessary. And THAT is how I get bitten in the ass!
Sometimes when it's dark and lonely you get a spark of light. A spark of happiness, a gift of clear sight and the heavens part and it all comes together. A dream you never really believed would be anything more than that comes true. A person realizes that you really do things just because and not because you need repayment. Those are the days I live for, the days that make all the others fade away into hysterically unbelievable stories to tell over drinks.
I've had a few of those days lately, after a very long year with so few. I found Grace whispering my name on the wind and I cried tears of joy and utter relief. I cried because she hadn't forgotten me and because I still believed. I cried because it's been a long, hard winter and I finally see signs of spring. But mostly I cried because I was relieved to know that I hadn't given up, the darkness and desolation hadn't won and I still had a chance. A chance to make a choice each and every day to seek out the graceful path and create opportunities for myself.
So I'm a little lighter, floating a little higher and filled to bursting with the gratitude that I can still see and appreciate all that Grace and opportunity can bring. Take a look in the mirror and see what you find, you might just find a little yourself.
